This Valentine’s Day,
I find myself single yet again. And given the success of my gay blog (thanks
for the support everyone) I wanted to bring to mind what I look for in a
significant other (wherever the hell he is) and what I am bringing to the
equation. So here goes!
The Physical…
Teeth: This is the first thing I really pay attention to. I’m a
sucker for big smiles, dimples, and fresh breath (OH YES!)
Body: I don’t want someone who can eat me up in one bite, but
yet I don’t look for someone skinnier than a light pole. I’m not extremely
built and toned, but I take care of myself and stay active and healthy. I just
hope someone else feels this way too.
Personal Hygiene: The messy look works for a small amount of
men, but please at least SMELL like you take care of yourself. There’s nothing
more to turn me off than someone who smells like they just filmed an episode of
Hoarders.
Wardrobe: There’s nothing more attractive to me than a man who
knows how to dress and owns his style. I’m not asking for a suit and tie
everyday (unless you’re Justin
Timberlake), but I hope for someone who is confident and comfortable in
what they wear.
Ethnicity: I don’t discriminate at all in this field. I have
never really been partial to Asians, Indians, or Native Americans (but you never know what’ll happen).
Quirks: I’m attracted to MEN! Not boys. It’s masculinity that I’m
attracted to, not flamboyancy.
The Personal
Personality: I can easily be a lot to handle at times, but I in
no way plan on being intimidating. I want someone outgoing and personable. Live
a little bit and have some fun. Show me what you’re all about!
Sense of Humor: I want a guy who can make me laugh and can take
a joke. I’m a bit of a smart-ass, so he’ll have to keep up. Just know when it’s
appropriate and when it’s not (common
sense).
Confidence: Own who you are and don’t be afraid to show me (and others).
I know it seems like I’m shooting for the stars here, but it’s
very simple. I’m not single-minded, and it’s not as though all I care about are
the physical attributes. I’m not the most beautiful person in the world, but I
take care of myself and am confident in what I wear, what I do, and who I am.
All I ask is that you be too.
The First Date
It’s hard for gays to try and establish who asks who and who
pays for what. Back in my straight days (yes,
they existed for a little bit) it was always me who asked out, drove, and
paid. Nowadays, I want to take a backseat and not have to do all the work every
once in a while. I want to be pursued for a change. Is that so complicated to
understand?!!!
I’m one of those guys who would nothing more than dinner and
a movie. I like things simple at first. If anything goes past the first date,
then we can mix it up and get adventurous later.
The dinner conversation has usually been the BIG FAIL in my
previous dating attempts. I’m not a fan of the one-sided conversations. I
shouldn’t be the only one asking the questions. I want to answer some too! I
take a lot of interest in what other people have to say when I’m in this
one-on-one scenario, but please spend time on me as well.
Cell phone etiquette is pretty important. I’m guilty of
always having my phone on the table (mainly
because I don’t want my pants to crack it or something). But just know that
I flip it around so I’m not looking at what pops up whether it’s a text,
e-mail, missed call, or other notification (sorry
FaceBook and Instagram.) I’ve heard many times that its work emergency or a
family member that they need to talk to or answer for. That’s fine, but more
times than most, I can tell it’s a complete lie. And there’s nothing more rude
than interrupting our conversation right in the middle of me talking to answer
your phone. And you better not give me the “hold it” finger.
Movie theater time is always pretty interesting. Usually it’s
preferred to see a comedy or a scary movie (something
entertaining). I don’t want to sit on a first date reading subtitles or
crying. That will come with time. I like to hold hands, I like to duck and jump
over to you when something’s scary. But there’s nothing more frustrating when
neither one makes any kind of move or subtle invitation for those moments.
The end of the night can get pretty awkward, but it doesn’t
have to be. Know when the night is over. Don’t linger around if there’s nothing
more to talk about. We’ve just spent 3+ hours together, so let’s leave a little
mystery for the next time (if there is
one). If nothing happened during the movie, then a hug will suffice. If
there is no intention for another date, handshake. And if there was any kind of
hope that this could turn into something more, then by all means make it a
memorable first kiss.
I’m always a fan after saying goodbye to follow up with a
quick thank you text. Not a phone call, not a thousand voicemails, just a
simple text when you get home saying something along the lines of, “thank you,
I had such a great time” etc. And to follow up with that, if you have no
intention to go out again, be upfront and politely pass. Tell me! Don’t ignore.
There’s nothing more embarrassing than making more attempts to go out again
when they don’t make an effort in return or choose to do nothing either way.
In conclusion…
I’m 21. I know I have time. But I find myself at a point in
my life when I yearn for something more. I’m not looking to settle down and
move in with someone at this very moment, but I do look towards more
opportunities for trial and error. I may be a busy guy with the most insane
schedule that is never consistent, but if someone comes along that I want to
make an effort with, I will make time. I complain every Valentine’s Day that I’m
single and no one loves me, no one ever approaches me or makes the first move (which is pretty much the truth most of the
time). But I have to be equally engaging and put myself out there too. I
want a relationship based on honesty, passion, and above all else a deeper
spirituality. In order to avoid a long debate about gay marriage and whatnot, I’ll
just say that I yearn for someone in my life, another man who will love me and
I him, someone who will protect me and fight for me because I will be doing the
same. That is why during this season of Lent, I am striving for celibacy (take that in whatever way comes to mind, but I'm not giving details) and
praying for my future love (wherever he
is). I am praying to God that he is all things I look for and more, and I trust that God knows who is best for me even if I may not know right away.
