My Coming Out Story (Part 2)

We were sitting down at one of our favorites places in LA, Paco’s Tacos (if you ever have the chance to go or find yourself anywhere near here, GO!) We ordered, we were sitting, and we were waiting. During this time we were discussing our weekend together and talking about how blessed we all are with our family. I felt like I was sweating bullets. My hands were shaking so much. My heart was beating fast like it does when I’m getting ready to go out on stage. Lights were in place, my audience was ready, and I stepped forward for my debut. Here is a generalized look into how the conversation went:

(Nick and Marissa discussing how awesome our family is)

Me: Would you guys love me no matter what?

Nick: Of course we would.

Marissa: Yeah

Me: Even if I told you I was gay?

BAM! Complete silence while the chipper waiter came by to deliver our food. As she handed us our plates, Nick just sat quietly as Marissa started to cry. Not quite the reaction I was hoping for, but it couldn’t have happened any worse.

Marissa was crying mainly because she honestly didn’t know. Nick I think was just initially shocked, but once it settled in I don’t think he was surprised. I can’t even begin to describe though just how much of a relief it was to tell my family. A huge weight had been lifted. Not like an actual weight, but a symbolic one. Who walks around every day with an actual weight on their shoulder? During the rest of our dinner (which I don’t think we could enjoy the food as much because we spent more time talking than actually eating at the time) they both told me how much they loved me and how coming out wasn’t going to change anything. They asked me the usual questions: how long have you known, why didn’t you say anything sooner, what made you tell us now.

(Marissa, Me, and Nick all doing Marissa's signature pose)

By the end of dinner on our way to the car (after everything had been processed and we were now in a sibling love fest) they began throwing out names of famous men and wondering if I thought they were attractive. Ryan Reynolds? Yes. Channing Tatum? Yes. Brad Pitt? Yes. Usher? HELL YES! This went on for the rest of the night into the next morning while Nick and I were getting ready to leave and head back home to Arizona. On our way back, he was asking me how I was planning on telling Mom and Dad. I let him know that I was going to tell them as soon as we got back to the house. Once again trying to make light of the situation, I was planning on opening with a joke about having a rainbow over our house now or something like that. Nick quickly intervened and said that I just needed to tell them openly and honestly without any kind of joke or gimmick. He and I both knew that they would understand.

As we got closer to the house, I realized that I wasn’t as nervous as I had been the night before while getting ready to tell Nick and Marissa. I think because it was already out in the open, there was really nothing for me to be afraid of. We got into the house and as luck would have it (being Monday night and all) my Mom was intensely watching Dancing With the Stars. During the commercial break, I asked them to pause the TV because I had something to tell them. I sat down next to them and explained just how thankful I was for the weekend and how blessed I felt to be in such a loving, supportive family. Then it came out that I was gay and had known my whole life, but felt that this was the right time to finally let it out in the open. No shocked faces, no one crying (yet), I felt pretty good. But then it just got quieter. My dad left the room and then sure enough my mom started crying. I didn’t know if she was crying because she was missing her show or because of what I just told them. As for my dad, I was at first confused and hurt that he left the room without saying anything.

My mom (through her tears) gave me a hug and said how proud she was of me and how much she loved me. However, with me being involved heavily at church, the first thing that went through her head was just how many people she thought would have an issue with it. She was scared about what they would do or how they would react. Of course I re-assured her that it didn’t matter to me. I knew in my heart from the beginning that this is how God made me. There were no mistakes (thanks GaGa).The people that still loved me for who I was wouldn’t be changed by anything I said. The ones who are truly there for me in the long run would not have a problem with it. My dad then re-entered the room and gave me a big hug. It turns out he just really had to pee. He told me also how much he loved me and how proud he was that I was doing this. There it was, another symbolic weight being lifted off my shoulder.

(My parents and I on my 21st birthday)

Finally, I had my sister Tina and her husband Ricky. Telling my nephews at the time didn’t make much sense. They were young enough that they would figure it out and be normal about things as they grew up. I called my sister before I left work the next day to let her know I was coming over afterwards to tell her and Ricky something. Once I got in, we went into the kitchen and I let them know that over the weekend, I decided to come out and that now it was their turn to hear it from me in person. For the first time though in my family, no one cried at all and there was no surprise. Ricky had always known (mainly from his experience with his own brother’s “coming out”) and Tina wasn’t surprised either. Nothing but love and support from the people I love most.

(Tina & Ricky's ridiculously adorable family)

Over the next couple weeks and months, I had made a list of people I was very close with that I wanted to tell in person. I decided against that ridiculous MySpace blog I was planning on posting (mostly because it wasn’t 2004 anymore and Facebook was all the rage now). Everyone would eventually find out, but there were individuals in my life that I loved and cared about too much that I knew needed to hear it from me in person. I gave my mom free reign to tell her side of the family (my grandma, my aunts, uncles, and obviously from there my cousins and other relatives would find out) and my dad did his part to let my grandparents know as well.

I had Starbucks meetings, lunches at Chipotle, Chili’s, and Ruby Tuesday’s, I told someone backstage of a show, someone else on the way to the Glee concert, another time I told someone while I was driving them home from my house, yes I got at least 10-12 people that I’m closest with to let them know in person.

(A collection of close friends in my life that I told in person)

Everyone I told in person has been a huge part of my life. Having their support has meant the world to me and I love them all dearly. My siblings all let their friends know slowly but surely, so more people I grew up with were finding out and sending nothing but love and prayers my way.

(My beautiful family this past Thanksgiving)

As more friends come into my life, it seems to be a pretty obvious assumption that I’m gay. The last person that I actually had to tell in person was my best friend Krystin (but that’s another story for a different blog posting coming soon). Like I’ve said, it’s been nothing but love and overwhelming support from the people in my life.

I hope that with this blog, not only will it give insight into how long it’s taken me to be comfortable with myself, but I also hope that someday it will serve as motivation and inspiration for other kids out there who are struggling and scared. This is just the first of many stories from me. There’s so much more that goes into where I’m at now, especially with where I came from back in elementary and junior high school. Slowly but surely, you’ll be able to understand how happy I am and how blessed I feel to be living this life that God planned out JUST for me. Until next time, HOLLA!

My Coming Out Story (Part 1)

Everyone has their own special “coming out” story that makes their journey unique. Mine had been a long time in the making, but when it happened and was said out loud, it changed my life for the better.

I’ve known my entire life that I was gay. As a wee little Mexican lad, I frolicked through the trees in my backyard like Snow White in the dark forest, I put on a doll dress and flapped away like Rita Moreno in West Side Story, and I even scrubbed the tile floor by our front door singing the nightingale song from Cinderella. Yes, I’ve known for quite sometime.

(Very ironic that I was forced to hold a football in this picture)

There were moments when I wondered when would be the best time to “come out”. I had often been teased and bullied throughout elementary and junior high school (that story will be posted sometime soon, but I’m not mentally ready to give out the details just yet). Those experiences growing up made me afraid of coming out at such a young age, so I just kept it a secret as best I could.

(Yes, this is me trying to hide my sexuality)

I convinced myself for the longest time that I was straight and that I would marry a girl and have lots of children. I still felt as though I was somewhat attracted to girls, but even then, nothing really felt legitimate or made me feel complete.

Then the day came when I finally kissed a boy (or night I should say). I mean actually kissed a boy! And the second our lips touched, inside I just went “oh yeah, you love this, you’re gay!” (Again, any further details about my encounters with the same sex will not be discussed at this time, but you never know when I’ll feel up to writing about that…)

That first kiss happened towards the end of my junior year of high school. Afterwards, I still tried to keep it a secret. I was elected Student Body President during my senior year and was a pretty public person on campus; not just from student council, but from performing in many other activities I was involved with. I knew that being president would be so much harder if I came out. I was already having issues keeping things under control and having the rest of the group respect me as a leader. It would have been twice as hard being “out” and trying to lead by example when the majority of people at my school are (how should I put this) traditional and very religious. I have nothing but love and respect for them, no matter what religion or beliefs. I just knew that given my previous experiences in elementary and junior high school, I wasn’t ready and willing to take that chance of being ridiculed, judged, and made fun of.

(Me during senior year. Who would've thought I was gay by seeing me like this?)

The first person I officially came out to (besides a few guys who knew already for obvious reasons) was my dear friend Mitza. We were both in Student Council, Spotlight Drama, and church together. We’re kindred beaners. During our one-act dress rehearsals, there was always plenty of downtime while other kids were on stage lighting their scenes and practicing. We were having a casual conversation about our love lives (or lack thereof) when I told her out loud that I was gay. One person down and only about 500 people to go! What a relief it was though to finally say it out loud, even if it was just one person at the time. She’s compassionate, kind-hearted, and she thought nothing less of me. I don’t even think that it was a surprise to her at all.

(Me and Mitza at Prom during our junior year)

A couple weeks later after graduation, I was with my Spotlight gang on our California trip. My good friend Rafael was the next person I told. We were sitting on the beach just talking about the future. He was one of the first to really talk to me about being myself and just living my life.

(Me and Rafael during our California trip)

These two individuals are very dear to me. Though we don’t see each other as often as we should, I have to thank them for being the first ones I came out and for loving me and being there for me from the beginning.

Over the summer, I was getting more and more comfortable about coming out. On our way back from the greatest concert I have been to (Beyoncé’s I Am Tour), I sat in the passenger seat while my sister Marissa was driving, just thinking about all the people I still needed to tell. I first started to imagine what it was going to be like and who would be the first set of people I would tell. As a true gay man inside and out, of course I thought about presenting it through song (Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out”), through a power point presentation, or through a dramatic poetry session. Then I settled on a slightly less-elaborate plan: a MySpace blog. Thinking about it now, that was a bit ridiculous, but I had it all figured out: I would type up a letter (one page or so, nothing too flashy) and I would save posting it for everyone to see until after I told my parents and family first. I didn’t feel like going to people individually and telling them face-to-face. For some reason I just wanted to send one general blog that took care of everything for me. That was in July and I didn’t say anything to anyone else until November.

My family and I were in California for a friend’s wedding during the first weekend of November. Being there with them all, I started to really appreciate just how lucky and blessed I was to have them all there in my life. I knew they supported and loved me with everything I had been through and experienced up until that point. At the time I didn’t know that the need to come out to them was building up inside of me, but looking back, I just didn’t have everything together and enough confidence to say it out loud to them.

(My family and I 2 days before I told Marissa and Nick [the 2 on the left side])

That Sunday morning we were out at breakfast with my grandparents on my dad’s side of the family. They had just celebrated their 50^th anniversary, so the majority of our family (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) were together to continue the celebration. I saw one of my cousins there with his boyfriend, and throughout the rest of breakfast, it started to click. My cousin was the first on either side of my family to “come out” to the whole gang. While it may have been hard adjusting and getting used to, seeing how comfortable he was during the morning and noticing how supportive the rest of our family was about it, I knew that I needed to tell my family soon. He and his boyfriend were the happy inspiration I was given to finally be open with everything and everyone. Seeing just how happy they were together, but also how happy the rest of our family was about seeing how happy they were made me even more sure that the time was bound to come soon.

(Some of the family on that very morning at breakfast)

We dropped my parents, my nephews, my brother-in-law, and my sister off at the airport that night. My brother Nick and I stayed one more night and were planning on driving back home Monday. Marissa was still in school, so we stayed with her. The three of us were deciding what to do for dinner. Do we get something to bring back to the house to eat, or would we go out? I wasn’t planning on doing anything that night, but suddenly I blurted out that we should go out to eat. Was that really what I wanted to do? Was I secretly putting everything in place so I could tell them that night? I certainly thought that my parents would be the first in my family to find out…

My First Gay Essay (The Sort-of Beginning of my Journey)

To celebrate this brand new blog, I figured I'd introduce you to my first outing. I was in 9th grade at Kino Jr. High School (not "out" yet FYI). Our assignment was to write a persuasive essay about a hot topic at the time. I chose gay marriage. For being only a 9th grader, I'm pretty proud of myself for having written this. Little did I know that it would serve as the first step I took accepting who I was and being myself...

Enjoy my beginning!

Vincent Chavez

11/22/05

A-Hour

Mrs. Dilbeck

Persuasive Essay

Locking Them in the Closet

                Gay people have been accepted tremendously in the entertainment industry. From movies to TV, they’ve been stereotyped as the close friend who is there for support and laughter, however in real life, it’s a different story to many who live the lifestyle. Gay people in today’s news have been portrayed as immoral and wrong, especially when it comes to marriage. Homosexual marriages should be accepted and legalized to help reduce the amount of prejudice and to allow gay people to feel accepted for who they really are. This would not only be a victory for another human right that is constantly being fought for, but would also show that history repeats itself, especially when considering the Civil Rights movement.

                The first major reason as to why gay marriage shouldn’t be banned would be because people shouldn’t be biased against a homosexual’s being. Gays are people who also have feelings and want to be accepted in a typically diverse society. Regardless of what religion you believe in or think homosexuality is a sin, it is important to be open-minded. How Christian would it be to discriminate against a homosexual’s being, if you believe in Christianity? “There have been many incidents of men and women being called names, pushed around, and beaten by people who believed them to be gay” (Kranz 89). It has been predicted that gay marriages have lasted longer than straight ones. “Gay relationships are stereotyped as purely physical encounters; many gay relationships last as long as or longer than many marriages” (Kranz 86). As long as they’re truly in love, there shouldn’t be a problem with getting married.

                Another supporting reason that would possibly persuade the support of gay marriages is that by prohibiting them, it will not only prevent homosexuals from publicly being who they truly are, but also denying them the right to live as happily as those in a traditionally accepted marriage. Some homosexuals would say that they’re afraid to be gay in the open because of the lack of respect for how they live and who they love. By banning gay marriage, it could make them even more afraid and possibly feel as though we are locking them in the closet that they so hard to be freed from.

                In order to agree with the third and final reason that supports gay marriage, you first need to remember what happened in the 1960’s during the Civil Rights movement. African Americans were fighting for their freedom in the United States of America. After years of struggling, they were accepted openly by the U.S. as American citizens. Today, after many years since that movement, homosexuals are now being treated with the same disrespect similar to what the blacks endured during the movement. This only comes to show that history does in fact repeat itself. “Now we have a group of Americans who take marriage seriously and who want the rings and the commitment and the service. Marriage is more than a legal arrangement. Marriage is standing in your community. Civil unions are a seat in the back of the bus” (ajc.com).

                To conclude, marriage between homosexuals should definitely be accepted by the community because discriminating against them would be immoral, and possibly scaring them from coming out of the closet. The people of the United States wouldn’t want to repeat the same issues that were present in the Civil Rights days. The people of this so-called ‘Free Country’ need to stand up for the gays by spreading the word positively and also by protesting in front of the City Halls in America to legalize gay marriage. Marriage doesn’t just have to be traditional with a man and woman, but between anyone who is in love and wants to live a happy life. “Marriage is an important personal choice and a basic human right. The decision to get married should belong to the couple in love, not the state” (ladera.com).

Works Cited

“Gay Marriage, A Basic Right”

                http://www.ladera.com/jhs/marco/.html. 2005

Kranz, Rachel. Straight Talk About Prejudice.

                New York City, NY: Facts On File, Inc., 1992.

Rauch, Jonathan. “Gay Marriage”

                http://www.ajc.com/living/content/living/books/0304/26gaymarriage.html. 2005