My Coming Out Story (Part 2)

We were sitting down at one of our favorites places in LA, Paco’s Tacos (if you ever have the chance to go or find yourself anywhere near here, GO!) We ordered, we were sitting, and we were waiting. During this time we were discussing our weekend together and talking about how blessed we all are with our family. I felt like I was sweating bullets. My hands were shaking so much. My heart was beating fast like it does when I’m getting ready to go out on stage. Lights were in place, my audience was ready, and I stepped forward for my debut. Here is a generalized look into how the conversation went:

(Nick and Marissa discussing how awesome our family is)

Me: Would you guys love me no matter what?

Nick: Of course we would.

Marissa: Yeah

Me: Even if I told you I was gay?

BAM! Complete silence while the chipper waiter came by to deliver our food. As she handed us our plates, Nick just sat quietly as Marissa started to cry. Not quite the reaction I was hoping for, but it couldn’t have happened any worse.

Marissa was crying mainly because she honestly didn’t know. Nick I think was just initially shocked, but once it settled in I don’t think he was surprised. I can’t even begin to describe though just how much of a relief it was to tell my family. A huge weight had been lifted. Not like an actual weight, but a symbolic one. Who walks around every day with an actual weight on their shoulder? During the rest of our dinner (which I don’t think we could enjoy the food as much because we spent more time talking than actually eating at the time) they both told me how much they loved me and how coming out wasn’t going to change anything. They asked me the usual questions: how long have you known, why didn’t you say anything sooner, what made you tell us now.

(Marissa, Me, and Nick all doing Marissa's signature pose)

By the end of dinner on our way to the car (after everything had been processed and we were now in a sibling love fest) they began throwing out names of famous men and wondering if I thought they were attractive. Ryan Reynolds? Yes. Channing Tatum? Yes. Brad Pitt? Yes. Usher? HELL YES! This went on for the rest of the night into the next morning while Nick and I were getting ready to leave and head back home to Arizona. On our way back, he was asking me how I was planning on telling Mom and Dad. I let him know that I was going to tell them as soon as we got back to the house. Once again trying to make light of the situation, I was planning on opening with a joke about having a rainbow over our house now or something like that. Nick quickly intervened and said that I just needed to tell them openly and honestly without any kind of joke or gimmick. He and I both knew that they would understand.

As we got closer to the house, I realized that I wasn’t as nervous as I had been the night before while getting ready to tell Nick and Marissa. I think because it was already out in the open, there was really nothing for me to be afraid of. We got into the house and as luck would have it (being Monday night and all) my Mom was intensely watching Dancing With the Stars. During the commercial break, I asked them to pause the TV because I had something to tell them. I sat down next to them and explained just how thankful I was for the weekend and how blessed I felt to be in such a loving, supportive family. Then it came out that I was gay and had known my whole life, but felt that this was the right time to finally let it out in the open. No shocked faces, no one crying (yet), I felt pretty good. But then it just got quieter. My dad left the room and then sure enough my mom started crying. I didn’t know if she was crying because she was missing her show or because of what I just told them. As for my dad, I was at first confused and hurt that he left the room without saying anything.

My mom (through her tears) gave me a hug and said how proud she was of me and how much she loved me. However, with me being involved heavily at church, the first thing that went through her head was just how many people she thought would have an issue with it. She was scared about what they would do or how they would react. Of course I re-assured her that it didn’t matter to me. I knew in my heart from the beginning that this is how God made me. There were no mistakes (thanks GaGa).The people that still loved me for who I was wouldn’t be changed by anything I said. The ones who are truly there for me in the long run would not have a problem with it. My dad then re-entered the room and gave me a big hug. It turns out he just really had to pee. He told me also how much he loved me and how proud he was that I was doing this. There it was, another symbolic weight being lifted off my shoulder.

(My parents and I on my 21st birthday)

Finally, I had my sister Tina and her husband Ricky. Telling my nephews at the time didn’t make much sense. They were young enough that they would figure it out and be normal about things as they grew up. I called my sister before I left work the next day to let her know I was coming over afterwards to tell her and Ricky something. Once I got in, we went into the kitchen and I let them know that over the weekend, I decided to come out and that now it was their turn to hear it from me in person. For the first time though in my family, no one cried at all and there was no surprise. Ricky had always known (mainly from his experience with his own brother’s “coming out”) and Tina wasn’t surprised either. Nothing but love and support from the people I love most.

(Tina & Ricky's ridiculously adorable family)

Over the next couple weeks and months, I had made a list of people I was very close with that I wanted to tell in person. I decided against that ridiculous MySpace blog I was planning on posting (mostly because it wasn’t 2004 anymore and Facebook was all the rage now). Everyone would eventually find out, but there were individuals in my life that I loved and cared about too much that I knew needed to hear it from me in person. I gave my mom free reign to tell her side of the family (my grandma, my aunts, uncles, and obviously from there my cousins and other relatives would find out) and my dad did his part to let my grandparents know as well.

I had Starbucks meetings, lunches at Chipotle, Chili’s, and Ruby Tuesday’s, I told someone backstage of a show, someone else on the way to the Glee concert, another time I told someone while I was driving them home from my house, yes I got at least 10-12 people that I’m closest with to let them know in person.

(A collection of close friends in my life that I told in person)

Everyone I told in person has been a huge part of my life. Having their support has meant the world to me and I love them all dearly. My siblings all let their friends know slowly but surely, so more people I grew up with were finding out and sending nothing but love and prayers my way.

(My beautiful family this past Thanksgiving)

As more friends come into my life, it seems to be a pretty obvious assumption that I’m gay. The last person that I actually had to tell in person was my best friend Krystin (but that’s another story for a different blog posting coming soon). Like I’ve said, it’s been nothing but love and overwhelming support from the people in my life.

I hope that with this blog, not only will it give insight into how long it’s taken me to be comfortable with myself, but I also hope that someday it will serve as motivation and inspiration for other kids out there who are struggling and scared. This is just the first of many stories from me. There’s so much more that goes into where I’m at now, especially with where I came from back in elementary and junior high school. Slowly but surely, you’ll be able to understand how happy I am and how blessed I feel to be living this life that God planned out JUST for me. Until next time, HOLLA!