Jennifer Lopez in Concert (or A Little Gay Boy's Dream Come True!)

I feel as though somehow words cannot even begin to describe what I just experienced tonight! After more than 10 years of waiting (well, about 13 to be exact) I got to see my love, my idol, Jennifer Lopez in concert! This, as you all are well-aware, was a HUGE deal! You see, every gay man has that one woman that they admire and look up to. For some it may be Celine, or Judy, or Cher, Madonna, GaGa, Britney, or Liza. But then there’s me who claims Jennifer Lopez for that special place in my heart!

I was a wee little lad when I first saw this beautiful woman in a little film called Mi Familia. She was in it for less than 10 minutes, but it was at the age of 4 when I knew this woman was special to me. And following her through the years since then, my admiration and respect for her as grown tremendously.

From Selena, to On the 6, to every relationship, every breakdown, every movie, song, commercial, I’ve supported her 100%! And while she may have critics who say she can’t perform, she’s not a true entertainer, whatever! She proved herself the entire night!!!

But first let’s start from the beginning of the night. We had the smooth and sophisticated Frankie J as the opener. He even made fun of himself, pointing out that people probably barely remember who he was. He opened with “Obsession (No Es Amor)”. Afterwards it was time for the bittersweet “Don’t Wanna Try” and then to the sweet “More Than Words”. It’s clear this guy has one hell of a voice!

Now a couple weeks ago, we got to witness Kelly Clarkson and The Fray in action. As the promotion would have you believe, Kelly Clarkson should have closed the show being the headliner and all. But we were all surprised and a little disappointed that she went first and The Fray had the glory of closing the show instead.

Not to say that The Fray was bad (because they were incredible!), but when you had your heart set on Kelly Clarkson to end the whole show with a bang, it was a little bit of a letdown. Having done all my research since purchasing my tickets earlier this year, I heard that Jennifer would do her set list first and Enrique would close the show with his set right after. I had gotten myself ready for this. But much to my surprise, Enrique burst onto the stage and blew us all away!

I have always respected Enrique Iglesias. I’ve listened and enjoyed a majority of his songs. But after his set, I have come to not only love this man even more, but to truly respect just how down to earth he is, especially when it comes to interacting with his fans. And there was the fact that his songs had everyone dancing and singing along. From “Tonight I’ve Lovin’ You”, to “Be With You”, to “Bailamos”, and then closing with “Escape”, “Hero”, and “I Like It”, he kept the energy coming and made all of us swoon.

Then it was time to adjust the entire stage and get ready for J.LO. We were all in for quite the show as we see her emerge to the rhythm of a classic musical spectacle before ripping off her accessories and busting right into “Get Right”.

As soon as those horns started, everyone leaped up onto their feet and never sat back down after that. From that first number and throughout the rest of the show, it was easy to see just why I looked (and continue to look) up to her all these years!

From the energy, to the high entertainment level, to the intense dance sequences, and all the while proving that she CAN sing live, she stormed that stage song after song! Whether it was taking it back in the day with songs like “Love Don’t Cost a Thing”, “Waiting For Tonight”, her impressive medley of “I’m Real (Remix)”/ “All I Have”/ “Ain’t It Funny (Remix)”, “Jenny From the Block” and “Let’s Get Loud”, showcasing her newer repertoire with songs like “I’m Into You”, “Goin’ In”, “Hold It Don’t Drop It”, “Papi”, and “On the Floor”, slowing things down with gems like “If You Had My Love” and “Until It Beats No More”, or ending the show on an amazing note with “Dance Again” and “Follow the Leader”, it’s clear that Miss Lopez still has it going on in all the right places!

The best moment though was her singing “Until It Beats No More”, a song that when first performed on SNL back in 2010 wasn’t a strong indication that Jennifer was capable of a comeback.

But tonight, it was the moment when she belted out every note right on the dot, she sang her heart out, and gave me chills (and yes, she even made me cry). She’s worked hard for so many years to get to where she is now in her career, and all of that hard work has paid off.

Think what you may, but she IS a true entertainer. With every little kick, every shake, every thrust and what not, she was fierce and in control. She let everyone have a good time and got everyone up on their feet throughout the night.

Overall, it was an experience that I have been waiting for for years. The little gay boy who used to act out scenes from Selena and perform dances to her songs in school talent shows was jumping up and down for joy all night from the first song until her last. It was truly a memorable night, one that I will never EVER forget!

A LOVER FOREVER!

How did you NOT know I was gay?!!!

(DISCLAIMER: This is no offense to the limited number of people who really DIDN’T have a clue that I was gay, BUT…)

Here are the obvious signs…

AS A CHILD:

I saw West Side Story when I was 3 years old.

I would put on my sister’s white dress whenever “America” came on, dancing and kicking my leg right along with Rita Moreno.

The first 3 CDs I owned?

Titanic soundtrack, Selena soundtrack, Madonna—Ray of Light,

I had a shrine taking over 3 walls of my room, all of things Jennifer Lopez.

Not A poster, not a couple pictures or a collage…A SHRINE!

While little kids my age used those towels with the hoodie attached to it to actually dry them off, I would wear it as my hair, running through the trees in my backyard like Snow White in the forest, hair flowing in the breeze…

I would take pride in cleaning the tile by our front door while humming “Sing Sweet Nightingale” like Cinderella.

My first concert?

Britney Spears “Oops!...I Did It Again” Tour

At recess, I wasn’t playing soccer, I wasn’t playing kiss tag with the girls…I was either on the swings, playing four square, or hanging out with my awesome rock club.

I favored the Pink Ranger more than any other Power Ranger.

Oh Kimberly…

I LOOOOOOVED playing dress up!

My brother played with G.I. Joes and Legos.

I played Barbies with my sister and her friends.

My cousin Jessica, my sister Marissa, and I would act out our own sitcom called “Friends at Last”: Jessica was Kate Winslet, Marissa was Jennifer Love-Hewitt, and I was Jennifer Lopez.

AS A TEENAGER:

When playing Mario Kart on N64, I was always Peach (and to this day, I still am!)

Whenever I found out a friend of mine who was a girl had a crush on me, I got awkward and ignored them completely…

I had sweat bands on my wrist for everyday of the week to coincide with what outfit I was wearing.

Fashion forward much? I made it work!

I despised P.E.

I dreaded the week we learned how to wrestle.

I would make up excuses for why I didn’t want to play a round of flag football or basketball.

But I was ALL for the week when we went swimming in the pool…

When going on “dates”, I would secretly wish the girl would pick a romantic comedy for us to enjoy.

I was a total theater nerd.

For all of the beautiful young ladies I went to school dances with, I didn't kiss a SINGLE one at the end of the night!

And to think that THIS guy actually shocked some people when he came out?

I’d say that was the performance of a lifetime!

 

HOLLA!

A Fruity Man Discussing "Being Fruitful"

God loves me, despite the fact that I happen to be attracted to other men.

I don’t mean to start a religious debate, but my faith in God and my personal spiritual journey cannot be taken from anyone.

Both sides have their own arguments, and both can go on for days, but allow me to re-introduce you to MY true belief(s) as being a gay man of God:

As true Christians, we are called to love one another. We’re all made in His image and we’re all made differently from the next. We’re not all the same. We should all be mature enough to put our differences aside and respect each other no matter what.

Fruitfulness? As some would say, the true gift from God is when a man and woman are joined together through the sacrament of marriage to create life and bring together the “true meaning” of family. I agree with this absolutely. But why can’t others say the same things about same-sex marriages?

For one thing, most gay people find it frustrating to be continuously shut out from the sacrament of marriage. In this day and age, to me it feels like there are more straight couples ending in divorce, having children out of wedlock, and not living out the “fruitful” sacrament that is marriage. But then you see gay couples, whole-heartedly committing themselves to their partner because legally they’re not allowed to call them husband and husband or wife and wife. In my personal experience with the influences I’ve grown up with, I’ve witnessed more committed gay couples lasting longer than heterosexual marriages taking place inside the church.

It’s all part of God’s plan. He has one ready to go for each and every one of us. Our paths and journeys are going to be different, absolutely! God may call the most Catholic-living couple to a healthy marriage but not grant them the gift of a child because that happens to be their journey. God may call together two men ready to commit their lives and raise a family because that happens to be their journey. God may bring a couple to marriage despite the fact that the wife is a devoted-Catholic and the husband only goes on Easter and Christmas, yet they still create a strong-loving family because it’s their journey. Not everyone’s is the same, but everyone does have a plan from God.

True, it takes a man and a woman to successfully create a child, but what happens when RAISING the child? Bringing life into the world is one thing, but raising it, taking care of it, nurturing it, loving it, supporting it, that’s a whole separate thing. And what comes from the influence of the parents? Does it matter if they’re gay or straight? As long as it’s a loving, nurturing, compassionate couple wanting to bring life into this world and raise it into becoming a loving, nurturing, and compassionate person, that’s fine by me, gay OR straight. And in some cases, it may just be ONE parent raising kids on their own, but that’s still THEIR journey and THEIR calling from God.

I’m not settling on the idea that marriage between a man and woman is destined to fail in this day and age because that’s not 100% true. I know of many couples and close friends taking that step and me knowing personally that they are starting a life together as committed and devoted as they should be. And the same can be said in the opposite way about gay couples. There are those couples who may not last and may not be living “fruitful” lives. I guess what I’m trying to say is that this argument can both ways and I see that.

But it hurts to know in my heart that being gay, living this life that I was blessed with WAS indeed a blessing from God, but not everyone acknowledges that. It may have been hard at times; it may have almost ended sooner than it should have, but God willing I’m here today with a strong belief that I’m living my life day to day as I should be. How sad it is to think that I may finally find a man that I want to spend my life with, but I can’t be married inside the church. How sad it is that I was raised to not be promiscuous, but rather respectful, courteous, and a gentleman above all else, but all people can assume at times when they hear I’m gay is someone who sleeps around and parties every night. I’m not saying I’m an angel, but what I am saying is that I have my morals and standards just like everyone else.

The point of this wasn’t to alienate close friends of mine in the church or those who may not agree with what I just said. The point of this was to offer a different perspective, to give a little more insight into a gay Catholic’s spiritual belief, which again is something that no one can take away from me no matter what. And I hope and pray that this doesn’t turn friends away because of my beliefs. We’ve obviously gotten along this far without it blowing up in our faces, right? There must be a reason for that.

I respect all people of all backgrounds, ethnicities, religions, race, gender, orientation, etc. who are compassionate human beings in this world who only strive to love others and respect each other for their differences, good or even bad.

Until next time…HOLLA!

My Coming Out Story (Part 2)

We were sitting down at one of our favorites places in LA, Paco’s Tacos (if you ever have the chance to go or find yourself anywhere near here, GO!) We ordered, we were sitting, and we were waiting. During this time we were discussing our weekend together and talking about how blessed we all are with our family. I felt like I was sweating bullets. My hands were shaking so much. My heart was beating fast like it does when I’m getting ready to go out on stage. Lights were in place, my audience was ready, and I stepped forward for my debut. Here is a generalized look into how the conversation went:

(Nick and Marissa discussing how awesome our family is)

Me: Would you guys love me no matter what?

Nick: Of course we would.

Marissa: Yeah

Me: Even if I told you I was gay?

BAM! Complete silence while the chipper waiter came by to deliver our food. As she handed us our plates, Nick just sat quietly as Marissa started to cry. Not quite the reaction I was hoping for, but it couldn’t have happened any worse.

Marissa was crying mainly because she honestly didn’t know. Nick I think was just initially shocked, but once it settled in I don’t think he was surprised. I can’t even begin to describe though just how much of a relief it was to tell my family. A huge weight had been lifted. Not like an actual weight, but a symbolic one. Who walks around every day with an actual weight on their shoulder? During the rest of our dinner (which I don’t think we could enjoy the food as much because we spent more time talking than actually eating at the time) they both told me how much they loved me and how coming out wasn’t going to change anything. They asked me the usual questions: how long have you known, why didn’t you say anything sooner, what made you tell us now.

(Marissa, Me, and Nick all doing Marissa's signature pose)

By the end of dinner on our way to the car (after everything had been processed and we were now in a sibling love fest) they began throwing out names of famous men and wondering if I thought they were attractive. Ryan Reynolds? Yes. Channing Tatum? Yes. Brad Pitt? Yes. Usher? HELL YES! This went on for the rest of the night into the next morning while Nick and I were getting ready to leave and head back home to Arizona. On our way back, he was asking me how I was planning on telling Mom and Dad. I let him know that I was going to tell them as soon as we got back to the house. Once again trying to make light of the situation, I was planning on opening with a joke about having a rainbow over our house now or something like that. Nick quickly intervened and said that I just needed to tell them openly and honestly without any kind of joke or gimmick. He and I both knew that they would understand.

As we got closer to the house, I realized that I wasn’t as nervous as I had been the night before while getting ready to tell Nick and Marissa. I think because it was already out in the open, there was really nothing for me to be afraid of. We got into the house and as luck would have it (being Monday night and all) my Mom was intensely watching Dancing With the Stars. During the commercial break, I asked them to pause the TV because I had something to tell them. I sat down next to them and explained just how thankful I was for the weekend and how blessed I felt to be in such a loving, supportive family. Then it came out that I was gay and had known my whole life, but felt that this was the right time to finally let it out in the open. No shocked faces, no one crying (yet), I felt pretty good. But then it just got quieter. My dad left the room and then sure enough my mom started crying. I didn’t know if she was crying because she was missing her show or because of what I just told them. As for my dad, I was at first confused and hurt that he left the room without saying anything.

My mom (through her tears) gave me a hug and said how proud she was of me and how much she loved me. However, with me being involved heavily at church, the first thing that went through her head was just how many people she thought would have an issue with it. She was scared about what they would do or how they would react. Of course I re-assured her that it didn’t matter to me. I knew in my heart from the beginning that this is how God made me. There were no mistakes (thanks GaGa).The people that still loved me for who I was wouldn’t be changed by anything I said. The ones who are truly there for me in the long run would not have a problem with it. My dad then re-entered the room and gave me a big hug. It turns out he just really had to pee. He told me also how much he loved me and how proud he was that I was doing this. There it was, another symbolic weight being lifted off my shoulder.

(My parents and I on my 21st birthday)

Finally, I had my sister Tina and her husband Ricky. Telling my nephews at the time didn’t make much sense. They were young enough that they would figure it out and be normal about things as they grew up. I called my sister before I left work the next day to let her know I was coming over afterwards to tell her and Ricky something. Once I got in, we went into the kitchen and I let them know that over the weekend, I decided to come out and that now it was their turn to hear it from me in person. For the first time though in my family, no one cried at all and there was no surprise. Ricky had always known (mainly from his experience with his own brother’s “coming out”) and Tina wasn’t surprised either. Nothing but love and support from the people I love most.

(Tina & Ricky's ridiculously adorable family)

Over the next couple weeks and months, I had made a list of people I was very close with that I wanted to tell in person. I decided against that ridiculous MySpace blog I was planning on posting (mostly because it wasn’t 2004 anymore and Facebook was all the rage now). Everyone would eventually find out, but there were individuals in my life that I loved and cared about too much that I knew needed to hear it from me in person. I gave my mom free reign to tell her side of the family (my grandma, my aunts, uncles, and obviously from there my cousins and other relatives would find out) and my dad did his part to let my grandparents know as well.

I had Starbucks meetings, lunches at Chipotle, Chili’s, and Ruby Tuesday’s, I told someone backstage of a show, someone else on the way to the Glee concert, another time I told someone while I was driving them home from my house, yes I got at least 10-12 people that I’m closest with to let them know in person.

(A collection of close friends in my life that I told in person)

Everyone I told in person has been a huge part of my life. Having their support has meant the world to me and I love them all dearly. My siblings all let their friends know slowly but surely, so more people I grew up with were finding out and sending nothing but love and prayers my way.

(My beautiful family this past Thanksgiving)

As more friends come into my life, it seems to be a pretty obvious assumption that I’m gay. The last person that I actually had to tell in person was my best friend Krystin (but that’s another story for a different blog posting coming soon). Like I’ve said, it’s been nothing but love and overwhelming support from the people in my life.

I hope that with this blog, not only will it give insight into how long it’s taken me to be comfortable with myself, but I also hope that someday it will serve as motivation and inspiration for other kids out there who are struggling and scared. This is just the first of many stories from me. There’s so much more that goes into where I’m at now, especially with where I came from back in elementary and junior high school. Slowly but surely, you’ll be able to understand how happy I am and how blessed I feel to be living this life that God planned out JUST for me. Until next time, HOLLA!

My Coming Out Story (Part 1)

Everyone has their own special “coming out” story that makes their journey unique. Mine had been a long time in the making, but when it happened and was said out loud, it changed my life for the better.

I’ve known my entire life that I was gay. As a wee little Mexican lad, I frolicked through the trees in my backyard like Snow White in the dark forest, I put on a doll dress and flapped away like Rita Moreno in West Side Story, and I even scrubbed the tile floor by our front door singing the nightingale song from Cinderella. Yes, I’ve known for quite sometime.

(Very ironic that I was forced to hold a football in this picture)

There were moments when I wondered when would be the best time to “come out”. I had often been teased and bullied throughout elementary and junior high school (that story will be posted sometime soon, but I’m not mentally ready to give out the details just yet). Those experiences growing up made me afraid of coming out at such a young age, so I just kept it a secret as best I could.

(Yes, this is me trying to hide my sexuality)

I convinced myself for the longest time that I was straight and that I would marry a girl and have lots of children. I still felt as though I was somewhat attracted to girls, but even then, nothing really felt legitimate or made me feel complete.

Then the day came when I finally kissed a boy (or night I should say). I mean actually kissed a boy! And the second our lips touched, inside I just went “oh yeah, you love this, you’re gay!” (Again, any further details about my encounters with the same sex will not be discussed at this time, but you never know when I’ll feel up to writing about that…)

That first kiss happened towards the end of my junior year of high school. Afterwards, I still tried to keep it a secret. I was elected Student Body President during my senior year and was a pretty public person on campus; not just from student council, but from performing in many other activities I was involved with. I knew that being president would be so much harder if I came out. I was already having issues keeping things under control and having the rest of the group respect me as a leader. It would have been twice as hard being “out” and trying to lead by example when the majority of people at my school are (how should I put this) traditional and very religious. I have nothing but love and respect for them, no matter what religion or beliefs. I just knew that given my previous experiences in elementary and junior high school, I wasn’t ready and willing to take that chance of being ridiculed, judged, and made fun of.

(Me during senior year. Who would've thought I was gay by seeing me like this?)

The first person I officially came out to (besides a few guys who knew already for obvious reasons) was my dear friend Mitza. We were both in Student Council, Spotlight Drama, and church together. We’re kindred beaners. During our one-act dress rehearsals, there was always plenty of downtime while other kids were on stage lighting their scenes and practicing. We were having a casual conversation about our love lives (or lack thereof) when I told her out loud that I was gay. One person down and only about 500 people to go! What a relief it was though to finally say it out loud, even if it was just one person at the time. She’s compassionate, kind-hearted, and she thought nothing less of me. I don’t even think that it was a surprise to her at all.

(Me and Mitza at Prom during our junior year)

A couple weeks later after graduation, I was with my Spotlight gang on our California trip. My good friend Rafael was the next person I told. We were sitting on the beach just talking about the future. He was one of the first to really talk to me about being myself and just living my life.

(Me and Rafael during our California trip)

These two individuals are very dear to me. Though we don’t see each other as often as we should, I have to thank them for being the first ones I came out and for loving me and being there for me from the beginning.

Over the summer, I was getting more and more comfortable about coming out. On our way back from the greatest concert I have been to (Beyoncé’s I Am Tour), I sat in the passenger seat while my sister Marissa was driving, just thinking about all the people I still needed to tell. I first started to imagine what it was going to be like and who would be the first set of people I would tell. As a true gay man inside and out, of course I thought about presenting it through song (Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out”), through a power point presentation, or through a dramatic poetry session. Then I settled on a slightly less-elaborate plan: a MySpace blog. Thinking about it now, that was a bit ridiculous, but I had it all figured out: I would type up a letter (one page or so, nothing too flashy) and I would save posting it for everyone to see until after I told my parents and family first. I didn’t feel like going to people individually and telling them face-to-face. For some reason I just wanted to send one general blog that took care of everything for me. That was in July and I didn’t say anything to anyone else until November.

My family and I were in California for a friend’s wedding during the first weekend of November. Being there with them all, I started to really appreciate just how lucky and blessed I was to have them all there in my life. I knew they supported and loved me with everything I had been through and experienced up until that point. At the time I didn’t know that the need to come out to them was building up inside of me, but looking back, I just didn’t have everything together and enough confidence to say it out loud to them.

(My family and I 2 days before I told Marissa and Nick [the 2 on the left side])

That Sunday morning we were out at breakfast with my grandparents on my dad’s side of the family. They had just celebrated their 50^th anniversary, so the majority of our family (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) were together to continue the celebration. I saw one of my cousins there with his boyfriend, and throughout the rest of breakfast, it started to click. My cousin was the first on either side of my family to “come out” to the whole gang. While it may have been hard adjusting and getting used to, seeing how comfortable he was during the morning and noticing how supportive the rest of our family was about it, I knew that I needed to tell my family soon. He and his boyfriend were the happy inspiration I was given to finally be open with everything and everyone. Seeing just how happy they were together, but also how happy the rest of our family was about seeing how happy they were made me even more sure that the time was bound to come soon.

(Some of the family on that very morning at breakfast)

We dropped my parents, my nephews, my brother-in-law, and my sister off at the airport that night. My brother Nick and I stayed one more night and were planning on driving back home Monday. Marissa was still in school, so we stayed with her. The three of us were deciding what to do for dinner. Do we get something to bring back to the house to eat, or would we go out? I wasn’t planning on doing anything that night, but suddenly I blurted out that we should go out to eat. Was that really what I wanted to do? Was I secretly putting everything in place so I could tell them that night? I certainly thought that my parents would be the first in my family to find out…