My Coming Out Story (Part 1)

Everyone has their own special “coming out” story that makes their journey unique. Mine had been a long time in the making, but when it happened and was said out loud, it changed my life for the better.

I’ve known my entire life that I was gay. As a wee little Mexican lad, I frolicked through the trees in my backyard like Snow White in the dark forest, I put on a doll dress and flapped away like Rita Moreno in West Side Story, and I even scrubbed the tile floor by our front door singing the nightingale song from Cinderella. Yes, I’ve known for quite sometime.

(Very ironic that I was forced to hold a football in this picture)

There were moments when I wondered when would be the best time to “come out”. I had often been teased and bullied throughout elementary and junior high school (that story will be posted sometime soon, but I’m not mentally ready to give out the details just yet). Those experiences growing up made me afraid of coming out at such a young age, so I just kept it a secret as best I could.

(Yes, this is me trying to hide my sexuality)

I convinced myself for the longest time that I was straight and that I would marry a girl and have lots of children. I still felt as though I was somewhat attracted to girls, but even then, nothing really felt legitimate or made me feel complete.

Then the day came when I finally kissed a boy (or night I should say). I mean actually kissed a boy! And the second our lips touched, inside I just went “oh yeah, you love this, you’re gay!” (Again, any further details about my encounters with the same sex will not be discussed at this time, but you never know when I’ll feel up to writing about that…)

That first kiss happened towards the end of my junior year of high school. Afterwards, I still tried to keep it a secret. I was elected Student Body President during my senior year and was a pretty public person on campus; not just from student council, but from performing in many other activities I was involved with. I knew that being president would be so much harder if I came out. I was already having issues keeping things under control and having the rest of the group respect me as a leader. It would have been twice as hard being “out” and trying to lead by example when the majority of people at my school are (how should I put this) traditional and very religious. I have nothing but love and respect for them, no matter what religion or beliefs. I just knew that given my previous experiences in elementary and junior high school, I wasn’t ready and willing to take that chance of being ridiculed, judged, and made fun of.

(Me during senior year. Who would've thought I was gay by seeing me like this?)

The first person I officially came out to (besides a few guys who knew already for obvious reasons) was my dear friend Mitza. We were both in Student Council, Spotlight Drama, and church together. We’re kindred beaners. During our one-act dress rehearsals, there was always plenty of downtime while other kids were on stage lighting their scenes and practicing. We were having a casual conversation about our love lives (or lack thereof) when I told her out loud that I was gay. One person down and only about 500 people to go! What a relief it was though to finally say it out loud, even if it was just one person at the time. She’s compassionate, kind-hearted, and she thought nothing less of me. I don’t even think that it was a surprise to her at all.

(Me and Mitza at Prom during our junior year)

A couple weeks later after graduation, I was with my Spotlight gang on our California trip. My good friend Rafael was the next person I told. We were sitting on the beach just talking about the future. He was one of the first to really talk to me about being myself and just living my life.

(Me and Rafael during our California trip)

These two individuals are very dear to me. Though we don’t see each other as often as we should, I have to thank them for being the first ones I came out and for loving me and being there for me from the beginning.

Over the summer, I was getting more and more comfortable about coming out. On our way back from the greatest concert I have been to (Beyoncé’s I Am Tour), I sat in the passenger seat while my sister Marissa was driving, just thinking about all the people I still needed to tell. I first started to imagine what it was going to be like and who would be the first set of people I would tell. As a true gay man inside and out, of course I thought about presenting it through song (Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out”), through a power point presentation, or through a dramatic poetry session. Then I settled on a slightly less-elaborate plan: a MySpace blog. Thinking about it now, that was a bit ridiculous, but I had it all figured out: I would type up a letter (one page or so, nothing too flashy) and I would save posting it for everyone to see until after I told my parents and family first. I didn’t feel like going to people individually and telling them face-to-face. For some reason I just wanted to send one general blog that took care of everything for me. That was in July and I didn’t say anything to anyone else until November.

My family and I were in California for a friend’s wedding during the first weekend of November. Being there with them all, I started to really appreciate just how lucky and blessed I was to have them all there in my life. I knew they supported and loved me with everything I had been through and experienced up until that point. At the time I didn’t know that the need to come out to them was building up inside of me, but looking back, I just didn’t have everything together and enough confidence to say it out loud to them.

(My family and I 2 days before I told Marissa and Nick [the 2 on the left side])

That Sunday morning we were out at breakfast with my grandparents on my dad’s side of the family. They had just celebrated their 50^th anniversary, so the majority of our family (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) were together to continue the celebration. I saw one of my cousins there with his boyfriend, and throughout the rest of breakfast, it started to click. My cousin was the first on either side of my family to “come out” to the whole gang. While it may have been hard adjusting and getting used to, seeing how comfortable he was during the morning and noticing how supportive the rest of our family was about it, I knew that I needed to tell my family soon. He and his boyfriend were the happy inspiration I was given to finally be open with everything and everyone. Seeing just how happy they were together, but also how happy the rest of our family was about seeing how happy they were made me even more sure that the time was bound to come soon.

(Some of the family on that very morning at breakfast)

We dropped my parents, my nephews, my brother-in-law, and my sister off at the airport that night. My brother Nick and I stayed one more night and were planning on driving back home Monday. Marissa was still in school, so we stayed with her. The three of us were deciding what to do for dinner. Do we get something to bring back to the house to eat, or would we go out? I wasn’t planning on doing anything that night, but suddenly I blurted out that we should go out to eat. Was that really what I wanted to do? Was I secretly putting everything in place so I could tell them that night? I certainly thought that my parents would be the first in my family to find out…