Respect and Compassion (A gay Catholic's point of view)

I know almost for a fact that in my lifetime, I will see gay marriage accepted and allowed within our government. What I have a hard time seeing in my lifetime is the Catholic Church accepting it. And I’m pretty sure I’m ok with it.

WARNING: My stance on gay marriage is one that I still am trying to figure out. As a gay Catholic, there are a lot of things to consider and a lot that I still need to assess first. This is not an official statement on what side I fall on or what side I take, but rather a rant on what I believe for both sides of the equation. If you are looking for a definitive answer from me, if you are just going to judge me for not standing up for gay rights as a gay man, or you are going to criticize why I as a Catholic am not standing up for my religion as fiercely as others, then please leave now and let’s leave it at that.

Regardless of where you fall on the line, there should be compassion and humility in what you believe and not having to put anyone’s opinions down just for the sake of getting your point across, FOR BOTH SIDES!

I have a symbol on my Facebook picture today that is red with an equal sign. While most would say that this is my direct support for gay marriage, I think of it more as my support for this open discussion, that we live in a time when something that used to be so hush-hush is so main stream. I mean no harm in my picture; it’s just a simple sign of support.

Seeing a symbol of a shoe with this equal sign on it, stomping on top of a church I feel is a bit harsh and a bit dramatic, and quite frankly very hurtful to me. I have been Catholic since I was a baby, but God knew I was gay before that. All of my life, my sexuality has been a struggle coming to terms with on a lot of different levels. And while there are things within the Catholic Church that I don’t necessarily agree with wholeheartedly, I have never once have called out the church or ridiculed it in any way as though I were taking my beliefs and crushing them down on the church.

We can go on and on about the reasoning behind our opinions. Whether I pull out the “Jesus told us to love one another” card and others pull out the “Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve” card, either way people are going to be upset and there are certainly justifiable pieces of support for either stance.

I in no way am anywhere near the thought of wanting to get married. I still have to deal with flakes and assholes when it comes to dating, so getting married isn’t something I really see in my near future to be honest. When and only if that time comes when I meet someone I love and make a promise to spend the rest of our lives together, of course I would like to have that option of marriage. Unfortunately though, I’m a bit confused about my own stance on this since realistically I know this probably will never happen within the church. So as of now, I in no way have any intention to enforce my views on the church. I respect the church, I’ve grown up in the church, I am heavily involved in the church, but I still have a general respect for what anyone believes, AS LONG AS they are mature and respectful about how they present their ideals and morals.

Some of my best and closest friends are strong, faithful Catholics. Never once have I ever been shunned from the group, forced to give up my friends simply because of my sexuality. And whether it’s because we just have never had a full-on open discussion about our beliefs when it comes to gay marriage or whether our friendship defies these kinds of stances, I’m ok with that. Nothing ever changed with my friends when I came out, nothing was supposed to change. Again it was just one more thing that was a part of who I was, but it is not what defines me (I have said this so many times before, y’all should know that much about me by now!) I love my friends and respect the fact not all of us agree on the same thing. My friendships are based on so much more than just beliefs. While some people may say that this is supposed to be a whole basis for what a friendship is, I think it works just fine without that as a focal point.

With the ranting aside, let me just say again that I don’t have a definitive answer about what side I take on this subject. I am gay, I am attracted to men, I am Catholic, I believe in God. No one can tell me that my faith is wrong, no can tell me that being gay is wrong and that I’m going to hell. I mean, feel free to try, but I’m way past the point of letting those insults get to me.

At the end of the day, I have my own personal relationship with God and my faith. No one is going to take that away.